just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
