I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize