i may or may not be watching the land before time
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
