Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
