I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just gargled with NyQuil
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