Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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