Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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