I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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