I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sarcasm needs its own font
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
