Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?

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(806): View more from Texas

my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.

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(817): View more from Texas

i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.

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(516): View more from New York

why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?

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(602): View more from Arizona

Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.

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(585): View more from New York

Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'

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(330): View more from Ohio

I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now

(330): View more from Ohio

Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.

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