I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
