So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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