Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love you.
Bad choice
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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