i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
