It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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