1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
