we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I stole a fireplace last night.
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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