FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
