He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
