He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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