That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
