i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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