Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
