Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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