just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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