I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
