i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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