I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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