my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
