we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
