is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
