I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
