I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
