didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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