You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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