he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
