"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
