Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
