It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
