I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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