Dual....:-)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sext me about skeletons
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
