Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
