i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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