My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
