i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
