After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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