I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
