Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
