she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I have a pirate flag
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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