Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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