Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
