if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
