I heard we made out
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We are two peas in an std pod
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
