why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
