If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
