I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
