Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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