Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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